


Forty-two and Counting

by IrishLullaby



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester is Bad at Self-Care, Dean Winchester's Birthday, Multi, Not Beta Read, Not even edited I'll fix it later, Post-Canon, Questioning Dean Winchester, Sexual Confusion, Some of Dean's thoughts aren't helpful, Surprises, finale fix it, preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:20:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrishLullaby/pseuds/IrishLullaby
Summary: Dean Winchester never thought he'd make it to 42 years old. He almost didn't but it's here now and it seems as if everyone is a little too busy to celebrate it. Which is fine Dean's never really had a birthday before, not really. He just kinda figured this year would be different, but it wont be and Dean is cool with it. Really he is. Dean also might be really good at lying to himself, luckily in the pursuit of planning a surprise party his friends don't mind lying to him a bit.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Stevie (Supernatural: The Rupture), Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Garth Fitzgerald IV/Bess Myers, Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak
Kudos: 19





	Forty-two and Counting

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in honor of Dean's birthday today. And ok this was really only suppose to be a short thing. Next thing I know its like 6K. 
> 
> This is honestly my first time writing Destiel fiction with them getting together so hopefully you like it. I kinda pulled from my own experience to write Dean's as its something he's only just now allowing himself to explore. Some warnings is some of Dean's thoughts can be attributed as harmful but I tried to keep it to only what the show would do. But I want to give a heads up. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own, I tried to go back and fix them as I could but I really wanted to get this out in time for Dean's birthday. I'll probably edit it more later in the week. Enjoy!

Dean Winchester rolled over to his back as he woke up with a groan. He was once again happy that he had a memory foam mattress as he thought about sleeping on the rock hard mattresses of the motels that he and Sam once lived in. No way would his 42 year old body be waking up with minimal discomfort if he was still sleeping on those mattress. His back would be screaming at him, as it was he just had a twinge of an ache in his knee.

_Forty-two_ Dean thought he was 42 years old today. If Dean at 26 had once been told that he would wake up in a underground Bunker once belonging to a secret society of scholars of the supernatural world, of which he and Sam were legacy of, and he lived there with his younger brother, his brother’s fiancé, an angel and his adopted son who was also God. Dean would figured the person was on a bad acid trip.

Yet here he was, 42 years old and living in the bunker with Sam, Eileen, Cas and occasionally Jack. _And of course Miracle_ Dean thought laughingly as the dog in questions jumped up on the bed to nudge Dean’s face.

“Hey boy. Came to say happy birthday to me” Dean said as he stroked Miracle behind the ears. Miracle just huffed and circled the bed to curl into Dean’s side. Dean figured Sam must have taken Miracle out this morning on his run if Miracle wasn’t demanding to be let outside. He stroked Miracles fur as Dean thought over the last few weeks and everything that had happened. After all it was only a few short weeks ago did Dean almost not make it to his forty-second birthday. There was a phantom ache of pain in Dean’s back as he remembered being impaled on that rebar in that barn so many nights ago.

_Dean slowly raised his hand to his chest and looked down expecting to see bloody bar skewered through him. There was nothing poking out the front of him yet the pain and wrongness ofthe rebar in his back told Dean his time was almost up. He swallowed tightly at the unfairness of this, they had just won their freedom from Chuck. It had only been a few weeks since everyone was brought back to life thanks to Jack. ‘Not everyone’ Dean’s treasonous mind supplied. Cas was still in the Empty, Dean had wanted to ask Jack if Jack could bring Cas back. But then Jack went on and on about being hands off and Dean just couldn’t make himself ask. ‘I thought I would have time to find a way to save him.’ Dean felt the tears burn in his eyes at the unjustness of it._

_Castiel had sacrificed himself so that Dean could live on to fight, and now on a case he and Sam just happened on he was going to die because grunt vampire number 4 shoved him onto an ill placed piece of hardware. ‘Why would anyone use rebar as a hook?’ Dean thought to himself getting more and more increasingly hysterical. ‘Focus Winchester these are your final moments.’_

_At that Dean looked up at Sam, who was chatting away completely unaware that something was amiss. ‘Oh Sammy’ Dean thought, Sam and Eileen had just been reunited. ‘At least Sammy will have Eileen’ Dean thought. Sam had sworn to turn over every resource the Men of Letters had to find away to save Cas, they had been pouring over research and theories in an effort to find something about the Empty. Anything at all to find their friend, to pull him from what was apparently angel hell, Dean had just found the Pie festival because he checked his emails to see if Patience had gotten anything from the bloody handprint he had sent to Jody. Figured he and Sam could use a break as they had been trapped in the Bunker for a week, and that one little distraction would lead to be the death of him. Literally. ‘Cas’s sacrifice was all for nothing apparently, stupid idjit Winchester’ Dean thought harshly._

_He noticed Sam was saying something, something about leaving and getting the kids out safe. “Yeah. I don’t think I am going anywhere.” Dean said shakily._

_“What do you mean?” Sam said turning to look at Dean. Dean swallowed as he looked at his younger brother. The tears were burning his eyes again as he looked at Sam and shakily told him what had happened. “Feels like its the only thing keeping me together.” Dean finished._

_“I’ll go call for help” Sam said turning to leave._

_“No!” Dean called out in a flash of fear; he didn’t want to be left here to die alone. “Just … just stay with me …please.”_

_Dean thought of all the things he wanted to tell Sam, to know Sam was here still and living with Eileen. Continuing on the Family Business, saving people and hunting things. They had talked about using the men of letters resources to pull the North American hunter community together and end the monsters that preyed upon innocent people. With notable exceptions like Garth and his family, and other ‘monsters’ that were just people who were trying the best with the hand fate dealt them, people like Benny. Sam and Dean had talked about creating this, better then what the British Men of Letters tried, and that maybe Dean and Sam could take a step back from hunting. Be a less active role, but still in the life and helping. Sam had jokingly thought about reaching out to their other selves and seeing if they could teach them how to start a business. Dean had waived it away but he thought about it more seriously and thought it might not hurt to ask. That was what they wanted to do long term. Short term was save Cas from the Empty and figure the rest out once Team Free Will was reunited. ‘Now because of some dumb vampire and a hazardous barn that’s all going away.’ Dean swallowed he could feel his vision fading, he was fading. He wasn’t even sure what he was rambling on about to Sam anymore. ‘I just wanted some pie’ Dean thought._

_It was starting to take more and more effort to focus on his brother he could feel the icy cold grip of Death on his heart, he’d felt it more than once before. He felt a tear slip down his cheek and he lowered his head knowing that he’d fade out from here. Sam was sobbing, Dean’s heart pinged at knowing he could no longer console his little brother when the barn doors flew open._

_Dean thought maybe he was reliving another night in a barn, as a figure full of power marched toward him. All those many years ago with sparks flying down around him, Angel of the Lord, Castiel strode into his life. This time there was no sparks, and Cas wasn’t looking around curious and alien seeming. No this Cas was marching toward Dean and Sam with purpose, worry and concern evident on his face._

_“Didn’t think I’d get to see you again” Dean slurred out or at least he hope he did. Judging from Cas cocked head it came out less intelligible then he’d like. Dean tried to shrug he was dying sue him if he wasn’t eloquent to a figure of his imagination._

_“Cas?” Sam gasped, that was weird how can Sam see Dean’s imagined Cas. Before he could think too much on it, the figure of Cas placed his hands on Dean’s shoulders. One perfectly alined with a handprint that was once burned into Dean’s skin. ‘Where it belongs’ Dean thought giddily. The figure of Cas gave a mighty tug and all Dean became of was pain._

_Next thing Dean knew a warm feeling rushed through him, mending his flesh back together and his mind cleared. Dean looked up to see both Sam and Cas looking down at him and he blinked in confusion._

_“Am I dead?” He asked. He saw Cas roll his eyes and Sam give a watery laugh before both were helping Dean sit up._

Dean shook his head. If Cas hadn’t marched in at just the right moment, if he had been a moment later Dean would have been gone. But Cas’s timing was alway impeccable. They had returned to boys to the actual cops and then Dean, Sam, and Cas went to a 24 hour diner where Cas had told them what happened.

Turns out after Jack left he separated from Amara, figured she should make her own choices considering Chuck had just absorbed her. Amara agreed to a partnership with Jack and to help teach Jack how to rein in his newly found cosmic powers. She would be Jack’s mentor in all things divine, Cas said she had seemed happy to spend time with her grandnephew.

_It was Amara that went to the Empty to retrieve Cas. Cas tried to explain it in terms they could understand but the metaphysics of it flew over Dean and Sam’s head. “When Chuck would revive Angels before he would merely open a riff to snatch their essence, but when Billy sent Jack there to explode it created a shock wave that woke up all the Angels and Demons making it hard to pinpoint where who you were looking for. Amara is one of the only ones that could have any power over the shadow. Added to the fact that Darkness moves faster than the speed of Light. If she needed to flee she’s be the fastest. She came to an agreement with the Shadow, and bargained for me to be returned, as well as a few other angels and two demons.” Cas finished._

_Cas had then told Dean and Sam about how heaven was failing due to all the Angels that had been killed. It was weird to think that Heaven was powered by angels, but it also made sense as well. Sam had asked who was brought back. Cas told him, that among the angels brought back were Gabriel, Balthazar, Hannah, Ezekiel (the real one) and Gadreel. Sam and Dean had argued against that one, but they conceded to Cas’s point that Gadreel had at one point just been a scapegoat and had just wanted to prove himself to Heaven._

_“He’ll have that chance now.” Cas said sighing. Most of the upper level angels that caused chaos or willingly allowed the apocalypse to happen had been left to rot in the Empty asleep for all of time. Those included Micheal, Raphael, and Zachariah. “Of course Lucifer will never see the light of day again.” Cas said “however since most of the archangels are in the Empty. They needed some more.”_

_“Who?” Dean asked. Cas just looked at Dean before guiltily looking away. Sam breathed out a laugh in excitement. “No way…you’re an Archangel now?” Sam asked. Cas blushed, which Dean didn’t even know was possible. But nodded._

_“Wow.” Dean said unsure how he was feeling he should be happy for his friend and yet… “Congrats on the upgrade, I guess.”_

_Sam nodded furiously “Yeah man, you deserve it.”_

_“Thank you” Cas said quietly. Cas had then gone on to explain that Amara had met with Rowena, to return Crowley and Meg to Hell’s realm. Cas didn’t know the details of it but apparently Amara felt those three would make for a formidable trio to over see Hell. Rowena still the queen but ruling with Crowley and Meg. “Mmm” Cas hummed as he looked over at the two brothers “Amara also rescued an innocent soul from Hell. Her name’s Bela Talbot. She said she knew the two of you?”_

_Dean and Sam shared a look of surprise. “Bela sold her soul to kill her parents and get her inheritance how is that innocent.” Dean asked in surprise. Cas just cocked his head._

_“You don’t know why she did?” Cas asked. Dean shook his head but as Cas told him and Sam why a fifteen year old Bela had sold her soul, Dean felt the guilt pile on something that was reflected in Sam’s face._

_“She begged me to help her, man” Dean scrubbed his face. “I told her that she was too late.” Dean sighed. Cas didn’t try to scrub away Dean’s guilt. It wouldn’t have helped any. “She’s in heaven at peace now. She never became a demon. Her soul is resilient.” Cas said softly._

_They were all quiet for a time after that before Sam asked what Jack was up to during this time. Cas smiled proudly before telling them that Jack and he had been reforming heaven. “No more eternity with your memories. People are together, actually it was Ash who gave us the idea.” Cas smiled “he’s a quirky one”. Sam and Dean shared a grin at the thought of Cas calling anyone quirky._

_They spoke some more Dean and Sam filling Cas in on Chuck’s defeat and what led them to the barn. “Cas?” Sam asked after they had been quiet for sometime._

_“How did you know? How did you know to come then?” Sam asked._

_“Yeah and why didn’t you come to us before?” Dean asked._

_Cas looked up at Dean sharply and then turned to look at Sam before replying to Sam’s question. “I’ve said before that Dean and I do share a profound bound. I felt it, I was in Heaven speaking with Bobby, your Bobby. When I felt pain, and I just knew. So I came to Earth looking for Dean.. and you Sam.” Cas added hastily._

_“Why didn’t you come before then?” Dean asked his tone a little more harsh than he meant. Cas just looked away and Dean felt a flash of irritation. “We were looking for a way to save you man.” Dean accused. “All this time you were back and not once did you think tojust didn’t think to say ‘hey I’m not in turbo hell.”_

_“Dean” Sam said warningly._

_“No, I want to know. He’s been here and just nothing from you. We thought you were in some terrible place. Yet you’ve just been kicking it with the angels all new bright and shiny wings.” Dean was getting more worked up. He thought with Chuck stop pulling his strings his anger would fade but here it was again rearing its ugly head. He took a moment and sighed. Dean counted to 10, he had read somewhere online that counting to 10 could help with anger. Sure enough he felt a little more calm before saying. “I just have to know man.”_

_“I was helping in heaven.” Cas must have seen Dean’s eye twitch because he quickly added “let me explain please. Becoming an archangel was an adjustment, it took me a bit to understand and come to grips with my newfound power. I was worried if I came back before I had a grip on it. I might have hurt you.” Dean nodded he could understand. that._

_Cas continued “I always planned to reach out to the two of you. As I know Jack wants to come visit. We thought we could help reorganize heaven that there would be time. But then….” Cas rubbed his chest as if he could still feel a pain there. Before he turned intense gaze at Dean and continuing “If you must know I was putting our reunion off.”_

_“Why?” Dean asked, Cas turned and Dean realized Cas was blushing again. Dean felt a spike of endearment to Cas. “Right. Yes.” He was flustered remember his and Cas’ finale moment before the battle against Chuck. Neither Dean or Cas would look at each other, and Sam bless his perception quickly stood from the table muttering about paying the bill. As Sam walked off Dean felt grateful to his brother._

_Sam had asked for details about that night after everything was said and done. Dean had spilled out everything to Sam. The deal, how Cas had said that Dean had changed Cas, and how Cas had confessed his love for Dean. Sam hadn’t been as surprised as Dean expected him to be. He just nodded and asked Dean how he felt about Cas._

_It was an answer at the time Dean didn’t have, but he had considered if over the few weeks that had passed. Truth was Dean didn’t know what being in love meant. All he knew was he wanted Cas in his life, to be there at home and watch movies with Dean._

_Dean and Sam had talked about it more before Sam had asked the biggest question. Dean, are you attracted to men? Sam had asked one night. Dean first instinct had been to deny it, which he did maybe a little too vehemently. Sam didn’t say anything just hugged Dean and walked off to bed. The next morning Dean found all these tabs open on his laptop to sexuality and bisexuality. Dean was going to yell at Sam but before Dean knew it he was down a rabbit hole of resources. It was illumining to say the least._

_Now with Cas across from him and Dean had almost died for real that night. He knew his answer. Before he had opened his mouth though Cas beat him to the punch. “I should go, Gabriel is calling for me.”_

_“Right, yeah. Umm will you be in touch?” Dean asked hesitantly. Cas just looked at Dean._

_“Of course. Dean.” And with a flutter of wings Cas was gone._

That had been almost three months ago. Cas had been true to his word and had come by when Heaven could spare him. Even bring Jack along most times. Dean felt guilty with how he had treated Jack leading up to the fight with Chuck. Jack had assured Dean it had been Chuck’s influence on Dean and he didn’t blame Dean. Dean just hugged the kid and apologized anyway.

They had all celebrated Christmas this year, Jack, Eileen, Cas had all stayed in the Bunker. It had been a nice holiday Dean reflected. Dean was bought back to the present when Miracle jumped up and barked then jumped off the bed.

‘Alright, alright. Lets go see what Sam’s doing.” Dean said as he pulled himself out of bed and out of his room. Dean was half hoping there would be pancakes for his birthday. But he’d settle for a cup ofthe good coffee the one they rarely pulled out because it was ‘Artisan Dean’ Sam had replied with a pinch expression. Dean just knew it was ridiculously good.

He walked into the atrium where Sam was standing at the war table with a duffle bag.

“Morning” Sam said zipping up his bag.

“Mornin’” Dean replied in confusion “Where you off to?”

“Uh.. Eileen called, she’s working on that case in Colorado. Feels like she’s in over her head. So I’m headed out to help.”

“Right, give me a few minutes and we can hit the road.”

“Actually Dean, I thought I’d handle this one alone.. er.. well alone with Eileen. Maybe stay a few days after. Boulder Colorado is really pretty this time of year so.” Sam trailed off.

“Right, Right. Yeah of course man. I just thought since it was my birthday today. We could hang.” Dean winched as that came out. He was trying. Trying to be more vocal about his wants and needs. “I mean of course go help Eileen. But I kind of wanted to do something too.” Dean wanted to hang his head in shame _Way to sound like a whiney bitch, Winchester._ Dean admonished in his head. But Sam just stared at Dean in shock.

“Oh man Dean. I am so sorry. It totally slipped my mind. Look we’ll do something when I get back alright. Make a huge weekend of it. Hey maybe we can get Air Castiel to get us to Hawaii or something.”

“Yeah, yeah man go. Its fine. We’ll do something when you guys get back.” Dean replied. He felt better that Sam wasn’t mocking him for wanting to celebrate. _Maybe there is something to the self-help gurus._

Sam hefted his bag to his shoulder. “A few days then we’ll be back.” Sam assured him. “Happy Birthday Dean.” Sam said as he walked up the staircase and out of the bunker.

“Yeah yeah, Happy birthday to me.” Dean said after Sam left. _Screw it I’m getting the Artisan Coffee and bacon._ Dean thought while headed to the kitchen.

After a damn good breakfast and a hot shower Dean found himself sitting the library scrolling through his phone. He hit the contact for Cas and heard the ring. It rang a few times before Cas’s voicemail picked up. “This is Castiel’s voicemail. He’s probably too busy recreating Heaven to answer. But if you leave a message he may call you back. Dean just pray to him.” Came Claire’s snarky voice. Dean laughed as he realized Claire probably stole Cas’s phone to record that message. He didn’t leave a voicemail. Cas was probably in heaven, therefore out of range so praying might be the best way. 

Dean hung his head in prayer. _Cas, man you got your ears on? I know your probably busy but I thought maybe we could I don’t know hang._ Dean peeked around the library but there was no flutter of wings to signify Cas’s arrival. He sighed if Cas was busy so was Jack, so that ruled him out. He scrolled through his phone, if Sam was going to be out for a few days maybe Dean could make a trip to see the girls.

He called Jody, she picked up on the second ring. “Hey Dean how are you doing?”

“Jody, I’m good. Was wondering what you guys are up to. Thought I might take a trip up there. See you and the girls.” He grinned. He could hear chatting of the girls in the background. Before Jody said distractedly “hey no, put that down!”

“Er…everything alright over there?” Dean asked.

“What? Yes sorry, we’re just moving Patience into her dorm this weekend. Claire has decided she can do the heavy lifting on her own.” Dean could hear Claire’s muffled response but couldn’t make out what she was saying.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that was this weekend.” Dean said disappointment settling in. “Well you need any help? I’m pretty good with boxes.” Suddenly there was a crash in the background and Jody just sighed “Oh for heaven’s sake what now. Ugh listen Dean I’ll call you back in a bit.” Then the call cut out. Dean sighed, so they were out. He send a text to Charlie to see what she and Stevie were up too. Charlie responded back immediately saying her and Stevie were at some comic convention for the weekend. Donna was busy with a case, as was Bobby.

Dean tapped his phone to the table. Ok so everyone was busy, that’s fine this happens. He could still have a good day. _I wonder what Garth is up to._

Garth answered the phone a little breathlessly “Hey you.”

“Garth. How’s it goin?” Dean asked.

“Not well I’m afraid” Garth sighed. “We’ve got a bit of a stomach bug going on here. Pups have it, Bess has it. Its all vomit and poop I’m afraid”

“Oh. Oh no…” Dean could feel his face twist in disgust. “Yup, just trying to keep everyone hydrated.” Garth went into more detail and Dean was kind of regretting calling.

“Well sounds like you have you handful. I’m gonna let you go.” Dean final cut into Garth telling him about little Castiel’s fun habit of removing all his clothes and proceed to run naked outside.

“Oh, yeah sure! See you later!” Garth responded before Dean hung up. Dean sighed and looked down at Miracle who was just laying by Dean’s feet.

“Looks like its just you and me, boy” Dean tried not to feel so disappointed. Suddenly there was the knock on the Bunker’s heavy metal door.

“What the hell?” Dean said as he cautiously stood up, Miracle staying by his side. Dean slowly walked up the stairs and he carefully removed the gun from the back of his jeans. There was another knock on the door this one more persistent.

Dean slowly opened it only to be greeted by the the sight of Gabriel.

“What’s shaking Deano! I need help”

**************************

By the time Dean landed back up to the entrance of the Bunker he had a migraine and his left eye lid was twitching. Gabriel was talking a mile a minute and had literally dragged Dean all around the globe via angel air on what seemed like stupid trips. _I’ve had bad birthdays before but this one might suck the most_ Dean thought.

Gabriel said he had errands to run recollecting objects of the occult that were too powerful to remain on Earth according to Jack. When Dean asked why Gabriel needed Dean Gabriel had just commented that he needed someone with a skill set of breaking and entering. Dean just had a headache by now.

“Right!” Gabriel clapped his hands together. “Your home now! Thanks for all the help.” With a flutter of wings Gabriel was gone and Dean sighed. _Frist things first,_ Dean thought _I’ll take Miracle for a walk poor guy. Then I’m getting me some pie._ The sun was already starting to set and Dean just sighed because Gabriel’s errands had taken up the entire day. _I’m just going to have a quiet evening at home. Yeah that will be nice, take care of Miracle and then I’ll go for a burger and pie and some Netflix in the Deancave._

Mind made up Dean was just opening the door to the Bunker when he realized all the lights were off. He slipped his gun out of his waist band. Gabe had snatched Dean so quickly he didn’t have time to turn the lights off. His instincts were telling him something was off so he raised his gun and carefully stepped into the Bunker’s landing.

He slowly moved down the stair case and was almost at the bottom when the lights flooded on with a yell of multiple voices yelling “SURPRISE!!!” Dean puffed out a breath and bend over his knees for a minute. Before looking up.

The Atrium was filled with people, Sam standing in the middle with a big grin on his face. “Happy Birthday Dean!” He yelled then blew one of those party noise things.

“Are you kidding me? I almost had a heart attack!” Dean said but he couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “Why do you have your gun out?” Jack asked.

“I think we should reconsider doing surprise parties for hunters.” Cas commented. There was a murmur of agreement. Dean just nodded but laughed looking around everyone was there Sam and Eileen, Cas and Jack, Charlie and Stevie, Jody, Donna, Claire and Kaia, Patience, and Alex. Garth and Bess, Bobby was standing off to the side with Linda Tran of all people. The whole atrium was decorated with banners, balloons, and streamers.

“So that case in Boulder?” Dean asked his brother. “Total bullshit. I literally just went around the corner and met up with everyone there.” Sam grinned and handed Dean a beer. Dean took a sip, “so when I called or texted one of you…”

“We were all getting the decorations and stuff.” Jody said with a laugh. “How’d you make it sound like something broke?” Dean asked thinking back to their call.

“Oh no Claire did actually drop something.” Donna joked nudging Claire who rolled her eyes but smirked goodnaturedly.

“Which by the way thanks for not calling me. Guess I know who your favorites are now” Claire teased. Dean just hugged Claire and she laughed when he picked her up and spun her.

“And Gabriel and his dumb errands?” Dean questioned everyone.

“Oh Gabriel needed to collect them, but we also needed you out of the bunker. He volunteered to distract you.” Cas said.

“We also have two more guest here too.” Jack pipped up. Dean just arched his brow and Sam clapped his shoulder turning Dean to stand in the entrance of the library.

“Ok guys come on out.” Dean felt his jaw drop as both Kevin and Benny walked out from behind the arch way.

“Hey brother” Benny said in his southern Louisianan accent Kevin just smiled and waived.

“What? How?”

Jack stepped up clearing his throat. “Me, I tracked down Kevin’s spirit and brought him back to life and back to his mom.” Jack nodded at Linda, who smiled happily. “Cas was the one to recommend seeing if we couldn’t bring Benny back.”

“Yup, feathers over there went into purgatory and searched high and low. Finally found where my old nest had me captured. Pulled me from purgatory then I met Jack boy here. He brought me back to like, a real boy even. No fangs.” Benny finished.

“You’re human.” Dean said in disbelief.

“As human as you brother.” Benny said with a grin. He and Benny hugged and when they let go. Dean hugged Kevin too. “Kevin, look I am..”

But Kevin waived Dean off “its all over now. I’m alive and back at school. Actually Patience and I are going to the same college. She’s been a huge help.” Kevin grinned shyly at Patience who blushed. Dean saw Alex nudge her jokingly before laughing at Patience flustered expression.

“Alright you idjits are we just going to be chatting or are we going to celebrate?” Bobby’s gruff voice called out. Dean laughed “Party for sure its my birthday after all.”

*****

Dean laughed as he watched Claire and Kaia teamed up against Sam and Eileen in a game of beer bong. Currently Claire and Kaia were kicking Sam and Eileen’s butt. Bobby, Linda, Benny, Jody and Donna were off chatting over their own drinks.Jack was with Alex and Patience and Kevin all munching on the various snack foods around. Dean turned back to the conversation Garth, Bess, Charlie and Stevie were having.

“So Dean” Charlie asked “Good birthday?”

“The best. Man I can’t believe I’m 42.” Dean said with a laugh.

“Oh you’re only 42? Thought you were way older.” Stevie teased. The group laughed at the goodnatured ribbing. “Hahahaha you’re just jealous.” Dean quipped back.

“That’s true, this man is aging like fine wine.” Garth complimented. Dean smirked “Thank you Garth.” Dean was always a little unsure of how to take Garths complements, but he was getting better at trying.

“Oh Bess and I wanted to tell you. As a birthday surprise” Garth exclaimed. Bess looked at her husband and smiled before turning to Dean. Charlie and Stevie took that moment to excuse themselves and go challenge Claire and Kaia to a round.

“What did you want to tell me?” Dean asked turning his attention to the couple.

“We’re expecting.” Bess said excitingly “And we were thinking if it was another boy, we were going to name him Dean.”

Dean felt himself get a little choked up but he grinned and hugged the two. “Congrats guys. I’m really honored.”

“Well we just had to after we read about how you and Sam stopped the world from ending.” Garth said. Bess nodded.

“I’m sorry what?” Dean asked in confusion dread setting in. “Yeah Bess and I started going to this book club the first book was from this series called Supernatural; we’ve been hooked since.”

“Oh Garth! I want to get more of those little bundt cakesbefore they are all gone.” Bess suddenly exclaimed as Eileen walked passed with two for her and Sam. Dean just watched them go feeling absolutely slacked jawed.

A moment later he felt someone approach and turned to see Cas standing just behind him. “You know if Jack really wants to get me a good present. He can erase Chuck’s books.”

“I am told it is impossible. Charlie told me what is on the internet is there forever.” Came Cas’s serious reply. Dean felt himself grin at Cas’s serious expression. He opened his mouth and was about to say something when Cas interrupted him.

“Are you enjoying your party, Dean?”

“Yeah, its been great. Listen Cas can we talk?” Dean gestured to the doorway behind them. Cas looked unsure but nodded.

Soon Cas and Dean were standing in the hallway just off the library the same way they had gone to get to the dungeon all those months ago when Billie was chasing them. _Fitting for it to be here._ Dean thought.

“We haven’t really been able to speak about what happen that night. Not really.” Dean started. It was true Dean had barely had any alone time with just Cas and he since the night Cas came barging back into the barn.

“Dean you don’t have to say anything.” Cas started but Dean cut him off “No I want to. You got to say your piece; on my birthday I want to say mine.”

Dean noticed that Cas nodded and sighed as if he was bracing himself against whatever Dean was about to say. “You gave me like no time to process man. You just kinda info dumped on me and then you were just gone. And there were things you said wonderful things, but things that I needed time to wrap my head around.”

“But you were just gone, and all I could think about was getting you back. You’re my best friend Cas. But then I was dying and I just hated that I would never get a chance to safe you. It just felt like another failure, like I failed you because you had sacrificed yourself for me. But now I am here and your here and …. I just want to say. You changed me too.”

“Thank you Dean” Cas started.

“I’m not finished. When you said you loved me. Did you mean it in a romantic way or…”

Cas tilted his head. “Dean I know that humans have complex and difficult societally norms around what is acceptable but I thought I was pretty clear with my intent. I expect nothing in return Dean.”

Dean just stared at Cas. “Go out with me” He slipped out. His eyes widened a fraction but he saw Cas had the same surprised look on his face. Dean swallowed.

“Growing up, yeah there were all these expectations some where said out right and some were just implied. So I never in my life even allowed myself to consider being attracted to men. I mean looking back I definitely had crushes on guys. But I had just convinced myself I merely looked up to them, or wanted to be them, or know them. Then with hunting, I just pushed it all far away. But then you came strolling into my life and there was always something between us. But I just thought you’re an angel you couldn’t feel that way. Then you just said you did and then you were gone and I don’t man. Look I’m not saying its going to be easy. Its probably going to be a lot to unlearn. And it might be unfair of me to ask you to stick around while I figure my shit out. But if the alternative is you’re not in my life, well that one seems way worse.” Dean looked into Cas’s eyes and smiled.

“All I am asking is that you stay, be here with me. Because I want you here. And I promise to try, hell I already am trying. Sammy pulled up all these websites and resources for me and…its helping me come to terms with somethings. I just know that for you I want to try.” Dean finished with a shuttered breathe. Dean looked at Cas and saw that Cas looked a little teary eyed.

“Oh man did I say something wrong?” Dean asked kicking himself. He could do better right. Why is it so hard to get this stuff out.

“No Dean you didn’t. I just for so many years I felt disposable to you. Its nice to hear that you want me here.” Cas said and Dean felt his heart drop.

“Cas, when you’re gone. The times I thought you were gone for good. I’m a mess, so many times I don’t even want to go on. But you always return to me and I am so grateful every time. I am sorry I have made you believe that I am something you could never have. Because its so not the truth.” Dean sighed and looked away for a moment before he turned to Cas.

“I want to try new things, new experiences with you. So I think the only thing to really say here is do you want to try?”

Cas smiled softly in the way that secretly made Dean’s stomach flutter. “Yes Dean.” Dean broke out in a grin, boyish and young. He nodded to himself and heard from the library Sam calling for him to come blow out his candles. Dean smiled and grabbed on to Cas’s arm to lead them back to the party.

Everyone was gathered around a the library table there was a large cake with a model of the Impala on it and the numbers 42 lit. Sam lead everyone in an of key singing of Happy Birthday, Dean grinned as Eileen and Sam naturally signed the words as well. He looked over at Cas and winked at him before leaning down to blow out the candles.

As he sucked in a breath Dean thought over his 42nd birthday, this was probably the best one he had had in ever. He couldn’t wait until he had many more. With a might blow the candles went out and everyone cheered. Dean grinned yeah 42 was pretty good, as everyone got a slice of cake Dean knew that 43 was going to look even better.

**Author's Note:**

> There were several things about Canon I wanted to fix, you might not agree with all of them but these were characters I thought deserved a second chance.


End file.
